


But That Doesn't Make You Here

by phoenixseths



Series: Our Playlist [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010!phan, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phil's birthday, fluff if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8805898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixseths/pseuds/phoenixseths
Summary: Long distance relationships aren't as simple Phil realizes, especially when it comes around the time of his birthday.





	

**Author's Note:**

> it has been a while, hasn't it, hm? well, writer's block can really mess you up, along with high school and getting hours of homework every night. but then i heard this song called cars and telephones by arcade fire, which is what the title is based on if you haven't already guessed, and i literally listened to that on repeat writing this, and you should do the same reading this! plus it just reminded of what dan and phil's relationship might have been back in the beginning. it's not accurate or really following the phan 'timeline' but i still hope you enjoy it!!

Phil’s not going to lie, long distance relationships suck, and they aren’t easy. Sure, he has a phone to text and call people with, and a Skype account that only works when the internet connection is only bad instead of horrible at times, and he can easily call Dan anytime he wants. But, it will never amount to actually seeing him in person, holding him in his arms and kissing those pretty pink lips whenever he desires. The closest he gets is putting his hand against the screen of his laptop and trying to feel Dan’s warmth through the grainy screen that never stops freezing whenever he moves in the slightest. And even sometimes, one of their internet connections are so bad that keeps him from seeing his boyfriend’s beautiful face that day. 

Along with only getting the verbal contact with each other, there’s still worries in the back of Phil’s mind of Dan possibly finding someone else who can be there with him everyday. After all, Dan had his own life outside of texting Phil constantly throughout the day across the country. Although he’s taking a gap year, he could still meet someone who could instantly sweep him off his feet and make him forget Phil and leave him behind in his hometown. Phil wasn’t always so insecure and lacked so much confidence in his relationships, but he’s only human, and he’s going to have certain thoughts of the most important person in his life being so far away from him and possibly be taken away from him by someone who can give him more. 

Sometimes, the thoughts get so bad that they keep him up at night, or he’ll have a very restless night of minimal sleeping.

And it definitely wasn’t getting any better with Dan not texting him as much or not being as available for their regular skype calls lately, especially with it happening so much so close to his 23rd birthday. Every time Phil texted Dan asking him if he could get on Skype, Dan always used the excuse that he had work and that he was taking extra hours because he was saving up for something. What that something was, Phil had no idea, even after Phil asking several times and Dan responding with something vague or sometimes nothing at all. It only makes Phil more insecure, gives him more anxiety about his relationship, and it only intensifies his fear of the possibility of Dan having found someone else. 

Phil isn’t the most confident person in the world, but he’s sure of himself and he always feels secure in his relationships, but now, he’s never felt so unsure and insecure in his life. 

***

It’s cold and snowing on Phil’s birthday, and Phil wakes up feeling as gloomy as the gray skies outside look. Fortunately, he does wake up to a birthday text from Dan, but nothing else for the rest of the day. 

He fears that the long distance between them has taken a toll on Dan as well, and Dan is starting to regret throwing away those phone numbers he often gets from girls in his town, who would never be farther than a ten minute drive from him. Dan’s young, only 18, why should he tie himself down to some guy four years older than him almost done with attending a uni across the country? He has so much to experience, and maybe he’s starting to realize that Phil is holding him back from doing that. Maybe Phil, being the older one and more mature one in the relationship, should tell Dan that and let him go. 

The thought makes Phil feel a little sick and shudder, and it makes Dan seem even more far away than ever before. 

***

**Phil:** _ hey u free to skype in a little bit?  _

**Dan:** _ hm idk i’ll let u know in the next 30mins? ^-^ _

**Phil:** _ ok sounds good ;-; _

Phil sighs and puts down his phone, predicting that that means no. He pulls his legs up to his chest as he sits in his bed, resting his elbows on his thighs and places his head on his hands. He stays like that for a while, growing more disappointed and sad by the minute. He can’t even talk or see his boyfriend, on his birthday of all days. He wonders if he should even try anymore if Dan can’t even find time for Phil on his birthday, especially his first birthday since they met and started dating.

After what seems like 25 minutes, Phil shakes his head and picks up his phone, typing out a text to Dan to cancel his Skype invitation when the doorbell rings and he hears his mother yell that she’ll get it. 

“Phil, come down here!” she calls to Phil. 

He puts down his phone with the message fully typed out but still not sent as he exits his room to see who’s at the door. “What is it M-”

Phil stops in his tracks as he walks into the foyer of his house and he sees none other than Dan standing at the door, a shy smile on his face. He’s bundled up in a thick brown coat and he has a beanie over his head with a small bag hung over his shoulder. 

“Hi.” he drops his duffel bag to the ground when Phil strides across the small room to close the gap between him and Dan as he wraps his arms around Dan’s shoulders and pulls him in tightly, feeling Dan’s arms go around his waist and squeeze just as tight. They both rest their heads on each other’s shoulders, the hug lingering as they both savor the comfort and warmth they get from each other. 

“I missed you so much,” Phil murmurs into Dan’s shoulder, all the negative thoughts slowly being forgotten with Dan in his arms once again. 

“I missed you too.”

They both pull away from each other and they grin as they look into each other’s eyes, Dan’s brown eyes warmer and more full of love than any webcam could ever capture better than right here before Phil’s own eyes. 

“Dan, it’s so nice to see you again,” Phil’s mother interrupts their moment, standing behind Phil in the archway leading to the hallway, a fond smile on her face.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Lester,” Dan politely replies, smiling warmly at her.

“Please, call me Kathy,” she shakes her head at Dan, “would you two like anything to eat?”

Dan and Phil both look at each other, knowing that they wanted to be alone as soon as they could, and Phil turns to his mother.

“Uh, I think we’re both just going to go hang out in my room for the night,” Phil politely declines and she nods in understanding, then walks back to the living room and leaving them alone. 

“Here, I’ll take your coat.” Phil goes behind Dan and helps him slip off his coat covered with snow, grabbing a hanger and hanging it up in the coat closet. Dan slips off his shoes and takes off his hat and Phil takes his hand, leading him to his room. 

He closes the door behind them and Phil goes straight to his bed, sitting at the head of his bed with his back propped against the wall as he watches Dan get situated and change out of his regular clothes and into sweats and into Phil’s green hoodie that was lying on his bedroom floor.

“Well you’re awfully quiet,” Dan comments as he climbs onto the bed beside phil and props himself up on his arm as he lays on his side. 

“As amazing as this surprise was to have you here with me on my birthday, I’m not exactly happy with you distancing yourself away from me and us not talking as much.” Phil explains, crossing his arms as he looks down at Dan whose attention is suddenly on the bed sheets.

“I know, and I’m so sorry for that Phil, I really am.” Dan’s voice is suddenly quieter and he sounds guilty and sorry, it breaks Phil’s heart. “I just really wanted to see you so I had to take on a lot more hours at work to be able to afford the train tickets to get here and back.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go back,” Phil whispers.

“Me neither.”

“I never thought a long distance relationship would be this hard and stressful.” Phil puts his head against the wall and closes his eyes. “I really thought you were starting to rethink this entire thing and that’s why you were being so distant.”

“No, that wasn’t it at all! I never want you to think that Phil, I really, really love being with you.” Dan’s head snaps up at Phil as he starts shaking it in denial and disbelief. 

“Dan, it’s just it takes a lot of work. Our relationship isn’t normal where we only live ten minutes away from each other and can see each other everyday, that’s why it’s kind of scary.” Phil admits. Phil has never been one to necessarily wear his heart out on his sleeve, he doesn’t like to express his feelings to or around people. But with Dan, he feels so safe, like he knows that Dan won’t judge him and he wants the best for Phil.

“It is scary,” Dan agrees, “you have no idea how terrifying the thought of you finding someone else at uni, and them always being able to be there for you and having no distance between you both. You can get that physical affection whenever you want, but I can’t give you that for now.”

Phil looks at Dan now, and he looks so small, like he had curled up into a ball while he spilled out all of his emotions to Phil, like Phil would get mad at him. He reaches out his left hand and takes Dan’s right, squeezing it.

“I  _ do  _ know how terrifying it is Dan, I remember visiting you and so many people want you Dan, that time that random girl gave you her number right in front of me keeps me up at night.” 

“Phil, as long as you want me, I’m here.” Dan rubs his thumb over the top of Phil’s hand. “Do you still want me?”

“Dan, of course I still want you. I don’t think I won’t want you for a while.” Phil answers, surprised that Dan even asked that.

“Good, because I feel the same,” Dan lets out a small laugh, and he looks relieved. “Honestly Phil, I want you for a while, too. Maybe longer than that, I don’t know. What I do know for sure though, is that I want to work on our relationship getting back to what it was before October, when we texted all day everyday and then we had our night long Skype sessions, because you have no idea how much you lighten my life and make me happy. And you really have no idea how much I want to be able to see you everyday, how ready I am to move into an apartment with you and be able to wake up with you every single day and be there for all of your birthdays and you there for all of mine.”

They’re both grinning from ear to ear by the end of Dan’s long speech, and they’re like that in silence for a moment until Phil leans down and presses his lips to Dan’s. Dan kisses back immediately, rolling fully onto his back and lazily wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck as Phil follows him without breaking the kiss and he rests on his left arm and leans slightly on Dan, placing his free hand on Dan’s hip. 

And Phil knows that even 6 months into their relationship they both see a future with each other, and that he’s here to stay and Dan definitely won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. 

(And learning that fact today and knowing Dan will be there for many more birthdays, definitely makes this year Phil’s favorite birthday.)

**Author's Note:**

> not going to lie, this has been my favorite and possibly best dan and phil fic i've written and i'm quite proud of it and that's saying something because i haven't been happy with my writing in over a year, sooo :D
> 
> follow my twitter, @shieldlester!
> 
> feedback is always appreciated!


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